Relationships today are moving at an alarming rate, I’ll admit to being the worst for this, but it’s also given me some insight on the topic.
Unfortunately in todays economy and culture, living independently isn’t always practical. So it’s easy when you meet someone you really click with to just combine forces right off the hop, but maybe we should be thinking this over a little longer.
Living with my parents hasn’t been an option since I was 14. If I could, I would have proudly rocked being 23 and living with mom and dad. Coming from that kind of lack of home life it’s easy to subconsciously want to make up for it as soon as possible. In my experiences I find it less common among people who are naturally more comfortable being independent, or perhaps had a healthy upbringing.
Now I’m not saying all of us Lost Boys do that, or vice versa simply an observation (if you take into consideration it’s actually a large sample of people that comes to mind too).
This can be wonderful, how romantic is finding that Lilly Marshall connection and settling right in, perhaps the people who survive this temptation are the ones were ragging on for marrying too early but in reality, what’s the difference?
In my province you can file for common law status (think like how Sharon and Gene Simmons weren’t married for the majority of “marriage) after living together for a year. The laws are the same too, technically you may have to worry about losing half your shit whether you believe in marriage or not.
The worst I ever had to do under severe circumstances where we moved in basically the next day, and he lived in a hotel suite with no kitchen or bathroom. This was the result of me being ghosted from the U-Haul before that. Now there was months between them he was more so saving me from a creepy (literal) room mate.
10 months of tension, stress, fighting later, we’re still together and we’ve over come a lot of our issues, mostly because we didn’t have any.
Last year was literal hell for both of us, we barley staid together but like I said I have experience with the beaten and the dammed, he was so subconsciously damaged from his life and me from mime that basically neither of us could calm the fuck down and trust eachother. And not like accusing of cheating, like deep primal mistrust.
The only problem was not having any space, friends or hobbies of our own. I realize not everyone is going to be living and working together at the same hotel, but alot of people lead very similar circumstances. They get so emmersed with eachother their relationship is their identity. When the relationship fails to progress because it’s gone as far as it can with its current state because people forget to nurture it.
I’m a journalist. Getting out and about, loving every season, being in the middle of every event is in my identity. 2 different relationships, I didn’t leave my room for a year.
Go to work and groceries.
But I forgot to feed my soul, I forgot that just because he has social anxiety doesn’t mean I do, just because he doesn’t go out with his friends doesn’t mean I can’t. The biggest one, if I think I’m watching him play video games too much, maybe i don’t have my own at home hobbies.
Additionally, a bigger problem is people not leaving because it’s situationally too hard. Moving is fucking hard. Alot of the time we get comfortable and mix incomes and are accused to a certain life style and well humans aren’t creature of change. It’s too much work, or you’re protecting the wrong feelings and so we stay and that’s breeding ground for a toxic relationship.So in my opinion if you practice minimal self care and don’t forget that you’re supposed to be in a happy relationship and actually address issues as they come up with honesty, you’ll be fine. It’s the 21st century what the hell are we “supposed” to be doing anyways?